Abyss

Who would miss me,
They wouldn’t know I was gone.
But because of my unborn baby,
I have to carry on.

There’s my daughter too,
I love her so much,
But to be honest,
I don’t feel I give enough.

There’s all this stuff in my head,
Why can’t I forget?
I just want to get rid,
It just makes me fret.

I am so confused,
How am I meant to feel?
I can’t get my head round it,
It is a big deal.

I had an escape,
I didn’t think I’d need,
But this one night,
I just wanted to succeed.

I don’t know what I was thinking,
I just made a quick decision,
I didn’t think it through,
My head was in division.

I couldn’t take the pain,
I didn’t know what to do,
I should have phoned someone,
I should have had a brew.

I made one stupid mistake,
Now I’m paying for that,
People are involved,
I feel totally flat.

They’ve totally took over,
I now have no control,
I’ve really had enough,
I’m in a black hole.

It’s like their telling the world,
I feel I have no privacy,
They say they have to tell some people,
That it’s their policy.

Sometimes I don’t feel I can carry on,
That there’s nothing left to do,
Then I think of my daughter,
I think of the baby too.

I couldn’t have got though the past few weeks,
Or make sense of my head,
If it wasn’t for the girls I talk to,
I probably would be dead.

There always there,
They seem to understand,
When I feel my head is going to explode,
They give me a hand.

No matter what I say,
Or even what I do,
The girls are there to listen,
They help me pull through.

I should be happy,
I should be content,
But these memories
I can’t prevent.

They keep me up,
There’s nothing I can do,
I keep having nightmares,
And no one has a clue.

I put on the smile,
It is totally fake,
It makes me so tired,
I struggle to stay awake.

I keep being told,
I’m strong and a can do this,
But I can’t believe it,
Until I’m in abyss.

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